Be Vulnerable And Deal With Shame

Are you aspiring to run a marathon or try your hand at writing a novel?  Perhaps you want to start your own business or go back to school, but you keep saying it’s not the right time.  I was looking at the news this morning and they were discussing the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death.  My husband and I looked at each other in disbelief!  Where has the time gone?  Do you remember when we were kids and it seemed like a year took forever?  As adults, we often find ourselves wishing that time would stand still.  Needless to say, if you’re waiting for the right time to pursue your goals and dreams, the perfect time is now.

Maybe you’re not waiting for the right time.  Perhaps you’ve started pursuing your goals, but you’re not giving it your all.  Or, maybe you’re on the cusp of success but you’re choosing to stay under the radar.  Could it be you’re afraid of what others will think; if they’ll approve or stand in judgment?  I will admit that I’ve been there and still experience this emotion often.  If you’re not achieving the level of success you desire, or you keep putting off your ‘start,’ it’s time to look inward to figure out why.

Recently, a dear friend sent me a link to a presentation by Brené Brown.  During her presentation at a TED conference, she discussed the difference between guilt and shame and the requirement of vulnerability.  Before viewing her presentation, I thought guilt and shame were the same.  Ms. Brown states shame is a focus on self and guilt is a focus on behavior.  We all have a ‘tape’ that plays over and over in our heads.  Shame is the ‘tape’ that says you’re not good enough.  Guilt is the ability to acknowledge a behavior, apologize for it, and move forward.

Pursuing our goals can often leave us exposed.  Ultimately, greatness requires us to take risks and move beyond the safe choices.  No one likes to be vulnerable, but Ms. Brown believes that it is a prerequisite for success.  She goes on to say that vulnerability is not weakness, but it is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.  I am familiar with the fear of failure; we know each other well.  However, I have to admit that I don’t care about my private failures as much as I care about the public ones.  During Ms. Brown’s speech she mentions Theodore Roosevelt’s quote:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Mr. Roosevelt’s quote shares all the reasons why we should choose to get in the ‘arena’ and change the ‘tape.’  If you’re waiting for the perfect time to pursue your goals, or you refuse to be vulnerable as you do it, you may never achieve the level of success that God has predestined for you.  To listen to Ms. Brown’s full presentation, please click on the following link:  Listening to Shame.

Leave a comment