Tag Archives: goals

Be Vulnerable And Deal With Shame

Posted on by Leave a comment

Are you aspiring to run a marathon or try your hand at writing a novel?  Perhaps you want to start your own business or go back to school, but you keep saying it’s not the right time.  I was looking at the news this morning and they were discussing the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death.  My husband and I looked at each other in disbelief!  Where has the time gone?  Do you remember when we were kids and it seemed like a year took forever?  As adults, we often find ourselves wishing that time would stand still.  Needless to say, if you’re waiting for the right time to pursue your goals and dreams, the perfect time is now.

Maybe you’re not waiting for the right time.  Perhaps you’ve started pursuing your goals, but you’re not giving it your all.  Or, maybe you’re on the cusp of success but you’re choosing to stay under the radar.  Could it be you’re afraid of what others will think; if they’ll approve or stand in judgment?  I will admit that I’ve been there and still experience this emotion often.  If you’re not achieving the level of success you desire, or you keep putting off your ‘start,’ it’s time to look inward to figure out why.

Recently, a dear friend sent me a link to a presentation by Brené Brown.  During her presentation at a TED conference, she discussed the difference between guilt and shame and the requirement of vulnerability.  Before viewing her presentation, I thought guilt and shame were the same.  Ms. Brown states shame is a focus on self and guilt is a focus on behavior.  We all have a ‘tape’ that plays over and over in our heads.  Shame is the ‘tape’ that says you’re not good enough.  Guilt is the ability to acknowledge a behavior, apologize for it, and move forward.

Pursuing our goals can often leave us exposed.  Ultimately, greatness requires us to take risks and move beyond the safe choices.  No one likes to be vulnerable, but Ms. Brown believes that it is a prerequisite for success.  She goes on to say that vulnerability is not weakness, but it is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.  I am familiar with the fear of failure; we know each other well.  However, I have to admit that I don’t care about my private failures as much as I care about the public ones.  During Ms. Brown’s speech she mentions Theodore Roosevelt’s quote:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Mr. Roosevelt’s quote shares all the reasons why we should choose to get in the ‘arena’ and change the ‘tape.’  If you’re waiting for the perfect time to pursue your goals, or you refuse to be vulnerable as you do it, you may never achieve the level of success that God has predestined for you.  To listen to Ms. Brown’s full presentation, please click on the following link:  Listening to Shame.

Write Down Your Goals For 2012

Posted on by Leave a comment

We are quickly approaching the end of the first week in 2012.  If you haven’t taken the time to write down your goals for the year, it may be time to do a bit of soul searching.  The fact is most people don’t drive their car without a destination in mind, and a plane doesn’t leave the terminal without a flight plan.  If a plan is required for the routine tasks that we perform on a daily basis, how much more important is it for us to have a plan for our lives?  So, if you haven’t taken the time to write down your goals, it’s time to eliminate excuses and get moving.  Included below are some of the common excuses along with the reasons why they are not valid:

Excuse # 1:  I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions.

While I agree with you that we shouldn’t wait until the New Year to change something in our lives for the better, the New Year is viewed as a fresh start for many.  When people use this excuse, it is often based in fear; the fear that they may not accomplish their goals.  If you have used this excuse when asked by others about your goals, I urge you to move in spite of the fear and make a commitment to try.

Excuse #2:  I haven’t written down my goals, but I’ve thought about them.

In the Bible, Habakkuk 2:2 states, And the Lord answered me and said, write the vision and make it plain upon tables that he may run that readeth it.  That being said, a goal that isn’t written down is no goal at all.  If you’ve been so busy this week that you’ve not had time to write down your goals, what do you think will happen next week?  Make yourself a priority and take a moment to document at least one goal for the year.  If you’re having a difficult time getting started, consider the following categories:  spiritual, family and personal. 

Whatever you do, don’t waste time comparing yourself to others.  Many times people aren’t successful in achieving their goals because they are busy trying to achieve someone else’s goals.  Make it personal.  God made you authentic, and I don’t believe he’ll bless your attempt to be someone else.  He’s given each of us our own destiny.  The choice is ours.  Our goals are merely the stepping stones that are required to reach the divine destiny that God has placed before us.

Excuse #3:  I wrote down goals last year and didn’t achieve them.  I don’t want to be a failure.

One thing is certain – if you don’t try, you’ve already failed.  Additionally, how are you measuring success?  In last year’s post, A New Year, A New Beginning, I talk about the all or nothing approach we take when judging ourselves.  This approach leads to self-sabotage.  Many times, it is not the naysayers that keep us stuck, it’s the loud voice in our own minds that tells us we aren’t worthy.  If your perception is you failed at reaching your goals last year, take a moment to document the steps you took toward your goals.  For instance, if last year was the first year you had documented goals, that’s an achievement.  Above all, stop being your worst critic.  If you don’t love yourself that may very well need to be your goal this year.  This is merely my opinion, but if you have a negative perception of yourself, you will likely always struggle to achieve your goals.

Please make the decision to become excited about 2012.  Everything may not go your way this year, but you can choose to have a positive outlook and make the most of each day.  As you make your plans for the year, don’t forget to celebrate each success no matter how small because what we focus on expands.  Happy New Year!

Place Your Goals Under Arrest!

Posted on by One comment

As we prepare for the Christmas holiday and the end of the year, many of us may be measuring how successful we’ve been in achieving our goals.  If you haven’t experienced the growth you expected this year, it’s time to figure out what’s really holding you back.  We all start out the year with great intentions, and I would even venture to say that most of us even have the appropriate level of commitment in the beginning.  However, something happens and we allow outside forces to stop us from continuing to pursue our goals or we are stopped by something within us.

I have recently been reading a book titled, An Enemy Called Average, and in one section of the book, the author has a list of questions that he charges the reader to answer.  While reflecting on the things that often stop me when I think I’ve hit a stride, I decided to raise the following questions to you:

  1. What one decision would you make if you knew that you would not fail?  –  FEAR
  2. What one thing should you eliminate from your life because it’s holding you back from reaching your full potential?  –  DISTRACTIONS
  3. What good thing have you committed to do that you’ve quit doing?  –  ENDURANCE
  4. How have the people you respect earned your respect?  –  RELATIONSHIPS
  5. What are your gifts, talents and strengths?  –  PURPOSE

Take some time and answer these questions for yourself.  In your responses, I’m sure that you will find the answer to what’s holding you back.  Next to each question, I’ve listed a factor that has to be addressed if you want to achieve success.  Let’s take a closer look below:

FEAR – At some point, we all have dealt with the fear of failure.  F.E.A.R. is merely false evidence appearing real.  However, when we experience it, it feels very real.  Make a commitment to yourself to move in spite of the fear.

DISTRACTIONS – I know that I’m not sharing any breaking news when I say that life moves at a rapid pace and is often full of distractions.  To achieve anything in life, you have to learn to move past life’s distractions.

CONFIDENCE – Become your own cheerleader.  There will be times when you may be disappointed to find out that the people you thought were in your corner are not.  Naysayers are a reality, but you have to believe in yourself and know that the naysayers can’t keep you from your destiny.

ENDURANCE – I think endurance and consistency go hand in hand.  Don’t worry if you find yourself falling short in this area because endurance is developed over time; you have to work at it.  No one runs a marathon without practicing.  The same concept applies when we set out to accomplish our goals.  The more we work at it, the more endurance we’ll build over time.

RELATIONSHIPS – If you’ve followed my blog, you’re familiar with the phrase, “iron sharpens iron.”  Check the company that you’re keeping.  If they are not goal oriented, it very well may be the reason you’re having trouble achieving your own.

PURPOSE – This is merely my opinion, but if your goals are not aligned with your purpose, you may have a difficult time reaching them.  I think our inner-compass prevents us from moving forward.  If you feel like a hamster on a wheel, it may be time to assess if your goals are derailing the journey to your destiny.

There’s officially one month left in 2011.  If you have fallen short in accomplishing your goals, spend some time reflecting on the questions included in this post and make a commitment to start again.  In the book, An Enemy Called Average, the author states, “Thoughts lead to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”  Let’s adopt this principle, recalibrate and try, try again.

« Older Entries